Best of Craigslist - Summer Edition

By Max Berman on June 10, 2016

Have you ever found yourself staring at your laptop screen, already having checked every social media site? As the summer continues on, there’s one place that always remains the same: the internet. Whether it’s rain or shine, there are people out there willing to anonymously post their feelings, wants, and desires. Below are some of the greatest postings this week from Craigslist, ranging from every corner of the United States.

 Location: Atlanta, Georgia

Dear Sharon (whatever your last name is this week) hide this posting

“The sex. It was good. I think. I was drunk a lot back then. I remembered you being a lot prettier, but maybe it was the drugs. So how many times has you last name changed? Damn! You change husbands like you change jobs. Too bad. I wonder who caused all the split ups in your life.Am I wrong to assume it was you? If you can’t keep your legs together now anymore than you did back then, I guess the old saying is true. You cant make a housewife out of a whore.Anyway, just wanted to say thank you. You taught me a lot about women. The kind to avoid that is. You had a great guy. You know, the first husband. The one that you cheated on like a groupie whore banging rock musicians until they kicked your little rich entitled ass to the curb like a bad habit. He seemed to be a great dedicated guy. Too bad he wasted it on you.So I see your now future ex husband. What is he, half your age?Good luck, Bitch!”

And they say chivalry is dead?

Jorge Saavedra – m4m (New Hope, PA) hide this posting

“I have thought about you for 30 years and how wrong I was. A few years ago I traveled the 1,000 miles to go to your old house to see if any neighbor had a clue. After a dozen wallets, I still carry your business card from the 1980′s. I might die before I get to ask for forgiveness, but I hope not. Please, please, please contact me. The Irish red-head from Horse Country.”

I’ve never loved a sign-off name more than “The Irish red-head from Horse Country”, and it really makes me curious as to what the rest of the story could be…

Here, we see the power of connection through the internet….

Mobile brothel

“1979? Chrysler motor home. I bought this former mobile brothel from one of the oldest pimps in Nevada. I believe it’s the one I was conceived and born in. My mother found it for me a few years ago while volunteering for the humane society in Vegas. I bought it right away for $10,000 because it’s kind of sentimental to us since my father was an aeronautical engineer turned Navy Seal firefighter and a CIA spy who worked for Richard Nixon himself. Needless to say didn’t have much time for dating so he would visit my mom on his rare time off from work in this mobile brothel that she worked in while she saved up money for college. Anyways, my mom and I hoped to restore it to it’s former glory days and get her and it back on the road. But after applying for permits, we were denied for a massive crab infestation and mold issues. It starts and runs well. Steers straight and is good in gas. I’d like to get around $10k for it as is. Clean title in hand. Thanks.

P.S. Dad if you are reading this please email me as i would love to meet you someday.”

6 TOP RAMEN CHICKEN FLAVOR PACKETS

“I recently finished a 6 pack of Top Ramen Chicken Flavor noodles that someone gave me. I don’t eat meat, so I just made vegetarian stock and cooked the noodles in that. I didn’t want to throw the flavor packets away because what if someone out there (someone like you!) really loves the Chicken Flavor packets and has always wished for some extra that they didn’t have to use to flavor their noodles. . .TODAY IS YOUR DAY!

You can nab these Chicken Flavor packets and use them to flavor popcorn, different noodles, marinade, etc. Maybe you just want extra flavor in your Top Ramen Chicken Flavor noodles! Or maybe you want to mix the Chicken Flavor with the Beef Flavor or the Shrimp Flavor! I even know some folks who used Flavor Packets like these to create a more intense obstacle course by filling kiddie pools with Ramen Water (maybe wait till Spring to try out this idea though(oh man, Chicken Flavor Snow Balls!!))! These are 6 extra Chicken Flavor packets of possibilities!

E-mail me and I can put them out on our front porch for you. OR if you seem really stoked there’s a possibility I could drop them off somewhere convenient for you.If you want to leave me a list of things you’re thinking about doing with them, that would be awesome!”

And finally, the ultimate way to quit your job…

 

Tiny bike to quit job

“So I am looking to rent a tiny bike to quit a job. I want to roll in there smoking a blunt and or vape pin and laugh sample food and say fuck off….. $50 shouldn’t take that long. Probably won’t call the cops on me cuz they all love and respect me. They will just ask me to leave. We could record it. It would become a YouTube sensation. Lol. Willing to leave collateral for bike. I don’t want it…. I want quit in glory.”

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